


Salt and Pepper

by Celirian



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: 30 Kisses Challenge, D.Gray-Man AU, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-10
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-05-25 23:23:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 20,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6214267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celirian/pseuds/Celirian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It became something of a game for Allen and something of a torture for Kanda. For everyone else, it was entertainment. Allen/Kanda unofficial 30 Kisses Challenge.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Hey, over here!"

 

Disclaimer: Not so much.

 

A/N: This story is going to follow the 30 kisses meme you can find floating around the internets. The idea is that you chose any two characters from any series (guy/ girl, guy/guy, girl/girl) whatever your fancy. Each chapter has a prompt and within that chapter you must accomplish two goals: 1. Follow the theme for the prompt 2. Have your two characters kiss. It can be intimate, playful, accident…just so long as there’s a kiss involved. The names of the chapters will be the prompts.

I obviously have chosen Allen and Kanda for these prompts. I’m really not experienced writing guy/guy or really any kind of kissing…at all. In fact this is my second attempt. Ever. Most of these will probably be less intimate than some would expect and/or want. While I am totally a-okay with Allen and Kanda getting down with each other that’s just not what I write, so if you’re expecting anything hardcore this is not the place to be. The chapters will be different. Some will be more like a narrative and the POVs will change.

All of these chapters are non-cannon. If you really wanna put these in some kind of time frame, think after the Black Order HQ in Europe gets trashed and they move to China, but before things got…weird. Like around the time they found Timothy. 

I’m open to productive feedback! If you think there is anything I can improve let me know (in a kind way). Flaming and immature comments will be either ignored or promptly made fun of. On a final note I don’t pretend to be an expert writer. I’m a novice at best and English is not my first language so I apologize in advance for poor grammar and mistakes. I’m writing this in hopes of improving my skills and to, hopefully, create a good story. Hope you enjoy!

Anywho, enough rambling. Onwards to beansprouts and grumpy samurais!

* * *

 

It became something of a game for Allen and something of a torture for Kanda.

For everyone else it was entertainment.

It all started after Kanda had returned to the Black Order’s new (temporary) headquarters in China from a particularly bad mission in Russia… in the middle of winter. After returning alone, in the dead of night with no jacket, a cracked Mugen, and nursing a very sore back from an unfortunate encounter with a patch of ice on a very steep set of stairs, he appeared at breakfast the next morning in a _mood_ that even Lenalee couldn’t soften.

Everyone knew the mission had gone terribly wrong, but that was about all they knew. It was obvious in the way Kanda didn’t carry his head high as he walked stiffly down the hall. How his ever present companion wasn’t clipped to his belt. How he refused to go see the doctors when his normally quick paced healing abilities were taking their time on his back. How he refused to look anyone in the eye and how the mention of Marshal Tiedoll’s name made him outwardly flinch.

The hows and whys were left unanswered, but it didn’t take an expert to know that Kanda was going to be more than his _usual_ grumpy self for a while. No matter how much anyone wanted to know the details, no one had the gall to ask him what happened.

That would be suicide.

So that’s why at breakfast Allen got up from his seat on the third morning and practically skipped across the mess hall to plop himself down across from Kanda, folded his hands in front of him and smiled in his usual cheerful manner.

“Hey Kanda. How’s it going?”

Dead silence fell as almost every pair of eyes turned to watch the inevitable beat down that was about to take place. Those who didn’t look, turned away pretending that _that_ had not just happened. Reever scooted along the back wall and out the double doors as fast as he could, his empty dirty plate still in his hands. A few more of the science department wasn’t too far behind; they got in enough trouble as it was, no way they were going to get caught up in Allen’s apparent death wish.

Everyone knew the ending to such an act could only be… well painful, even if Mugen was being repaired. It was common knowledge that Kanda was more than capable of pounding anyone and anything without a blade.

With the mood he’d been in, it was likely that the chopsticks Kanda was using to eat his soba were about to need a cleaning. Followed by a sanitizing. Or really just a burning. Blood never washed out of bamboo very well.

But Allen waited. Quiet. Still. Hands folded and dorky overly-cheerful smile plastered on his face. He knew what was coming as well as everyone else and he had been ready for it from the moment he decided to cross the hall.

Then it didn’t happen. _Nothing_ happened.

Kanda put his chopsticks down and stared at the younger exorcist for a solid minute before he stood up, turned on his heel, and strode out of the room leaving behind a bowl of half eaten soba and one very confused Allen Walker.

Everyone thought that would be that. Allen would go back to being Allen and Kanda would go back to being Kanda. Snide remarks and witty snips tossed back and forth in the halls and threats of poundings during spars followed by actual poundings during spars (and a couple hits outside of spars).

But Allen was everything but predictable on the most normal days and this time the young teen found himself determined to get _some kind_ of response from Kanda before he would let up. For his comrade to not have a comeback? That just didn’t bode well at all.

_Geez Kanda, what happened out there?_

Kanda was never one to be phased by something going wrong when he was working on a job. He took the problem head on and walked through whatever puddle of a mess he was stuck in. Sure he’d be dirty and he’d be wet and miserable, but in the end he’d be on the other side walking away and never looking back. Missions were something the swordsmen resigned himself too, Allen learned that very very quickly. They were the most important thing in Kanda’s life because they were the only thing in Kanda’s life. So when something went wrong Kanda fixed it.

When something went wrong Kanda fixed it and never gave it a second thought.

Now? Kanda was giving second thoughts….and third and fourth and hell…thirtieth thoughts. Whatever happened had shaken him and for as irritating and angering and insufferable Allen found Kanda to be at times; those things would never outweigh the fact that Kanda was his ally. His comrade. His friend.

It was time to give Kanda other things to think about.

* * *

 

And so the game continued. Each morning when the young swordsmen sat down with his soba noodles, he would look up from his prayer to see gray, stormy eyes staring at him from under sloppy white bangs and that stupid, maddening smile. All eyes would turn and wait to see if he would do anything different today. Kanda was pretty sure that Director Bak had started to take bets after the fifth day and it was obvious that the crowd in the mornings had slowly gotten larger (and most people weren’t even eating).

At first he only had to endure the one question. “How’s it going?”

It was easy to ignore. Put chopsticks down. Glare. Get up. Stalk away. Avoid Walker for the rest of the day.

It was annoying sure, especially on the days Allen came just a little earlier and a more than full bowl of noodles was left uneaten, but he could handle it.

It was about all he could handle.

Then Allen changed the game. Suddenly it wasn’t just “how’s it going” anymore. It was a new question tacked onto a roll of questions and pokes and prods that would rattle out in a fast slur of sentences that came without breaks between them.                                  

“Hey, Kanda!”

“How’s it going Kanda?”

“Hey, hey Kanda?”

“What are you doing today Kanda?”

“Hey Kanda, what are you so angry about?”

“Feeling okay today, Kanda?”

“Kanda, over here. Hello!”

It was as if Allen had adopted that stupid Rabbit’s hyper personality (or at least had taken lessons on how to be the most annoying pest in the order) and it didn’t end there. Not at breakfast anyway. Lunch and dinner became no different. Sit down, eat fast, listen for the silence that cued the beansprout’s initial movement towards him and prepare.

Kanda was beginning to think he should start forgoing meals.

But that wouldn’t do anything. Walker would find him somewhere else, that was for certain. During meditation, while he was reading or walking or practicing his sword stances… it probably wouldn’t be very long before Allen was knocking at the door to his room. Heaven help the kid if he ever got bold enough to do that.

When were Mugen’s repairs going to be finished? Then he could beat the ever loving crap out of Allen for annoying him. Not that he couldn’t have done that already, but once Mugen was back at his side he could finish things faster. A swift kick to the rear and then…

Then he could leave. Leave on another mission and just forget the past month. Leave and not have to answer stupid questions that no one really wanted the answers to. Answers he didn’t want to give. What the hell was Allen playing at anyway? He had never taken an interest like this before.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He usually asked to be polite (because he was always infuriatingly polite), but a brief ‘shut up’ usually ended the conversation pretty quickly. Now Allen seemed more determined than a hungry tiger chasing its prey. He wanted an answer for some reason and it was becoming very apparent he wasn’t going to stop until he got one.

_Damn it all_.

* * *

 

“You sure you don’t want in this morning, Walker?”

Allen looked at Bak with a small roll of his eyes. “Why would I take a bet on myself Bak-san?”

“The pots pretty big now…” Bak grinned at him and waved a piece of paper scribbled with names and numbers in the air. “We’ve got over eight hundred Yuan on whether he’ll break today or not.”

“Break?” Allen frowned up at the director and then glanced quickly over at Kanda who was waiting in line for his food. “That’s not a very nice way of putting it…I’m not trying to break anything.”

“You know what I mean!” Bak sat down next to Allen nudging him in the arm. “You’ve been whittling him down for almost five weeks now. Mugen will be repaired tomorrow, so this could be your last chance for a while.”

Allen shook his head as he put aside his third bowl of noodles. “I’m only doing this because I’m worried.”

“You mean you’re not trying to get yourself killed?”

“Kanda won’t do that.”

“And how long have you been working with him?” Bak smirked as he tilted his head to the side before sobering quickly. “I can understand your worry Allen, but… I don’t know. That nuisance Komui won’t even give me the details and I’m the head of this branch!”

Allen stared at his hands and clenched them together, knuckles turning white. “That’s why I’m going to keep doing this. He…Kanda can’t keep doing this to himself. I hate seeing people suffer in silence.”

“Walker, isn’t that…” Bak paused biting his lips. “That sounds like someone else we both know.”

“No idea who you’re talking about!” Allen forced his frown into a grin and let out a short laugh as Bak rolled his eyes.

“I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever understand how your mind works.”

“Might be best that you don’t.” Standing up Allen winked at the short director. “Wish me luck Bak-san!”

“Walker, you’re going to need a miracle to accomplish this, luck will have nothing to do with it.” Bak stood up and saluted the salute of a soldier going on a suicide mission before slinking away to the edge of the hall to watch with the rest of the onlookers.

Not hesitating a single step Allen made his way through the same path of chairs and tables that he did almost three times a day now and slid easily into the seat across from Kanda. The other teen didn’t give any acknowledgment of his presence (there’s nothing new) and Allen watched him a for a couple seconds until he finished his current mouthful off noodles before folding his hands neatly on the table in front of him and leaning in.

“Hey, Kanda. How’s it going this morning? Eating the same as always I see. Is it good? What are your plans for today? Did you sleep well last night? Hey Kanda-“ a deliberate pause. “Why are you so grumpy today?”

_Snap!_

Fragments of chopsticks flew as Kanda slammed his hands onto the table and stood up fast enough to knock his seat over. Steady, dark eyes stared at Allen as the young man leaned in over the table until he was inches from the white haired boy’s face. “You want to know why I’m so _grumpy_?”

No anger. No sadness. No yelling. Not even a twitch. Just a smooth, steady tone that froze the blood in Allen’s veins. This…was new.

“Fine. I’ll tell you how it’s going.”

_Holy crap that worked?_ Allen swallowed hard and forced himself to keep his eyes locked with Kanda’s and waited patiently, openly.

“I spent three weeks in a tiny town in the middle of nowhere in Russia. It’s February and I managed to lose my jacket on the second day because an akuma set it on fire and got away. He got away from me seven times before it was finally killed. Seven times I faced him and let it go free to kill more people who couldn’t defend themselves. _Everyone_ in that village died. Every. Last. One.”

Fingers curled into fists as Kanda peeled his eyes away from Allen and looked down at the table.

“By then the Marshal had to come because I couldn’t get the job done; my innocence was broken and my opportunity had passed. He came, he saw what had happened, killed the akuma, and left me with orders to return. Nothing else. I failed him. I’ve _never_ seen him so disappointed.”

Allen took a small breath and Kanda’s eyes snapped back to him, a snarl hissed from between his clenched teeth.

“Ever since you dragged me into that stupid Arc I haven’t been the same. I’ve been weak. I’ve been unfocused. I’ve been _distracted_. Ever since that fight with the Noah, when-“ A small shake of his head and Kanda continued, a little louder. “Now you’re here, being your insufferable self and all I want to do is get out of here and _away_. Away from you, away from here, away to where I can prove myself.”

“To who?” Kanda’s mouth snapped shut as Allen whispered and stood up slowly. He didn’t back away or stand higher than Kanda. He met him eye to eye, nose to nose. “Prove yourself to who? To Marshal Tiedoll? He doesn’t need you to prove yourself to him; he knows you’re capable, he knows what you can do. He knows you’re human like the rest of us and can make mistakes. So are you trying to prove yourself to us? We don’t need proof either. Marie, Lavi, Lenalee; all of us know you’re strong and capable and reliable-”

“Reliable?” A hollow snort. “You’re the most naïve idiot I have ever met.”

“Kanda-“

_And I’m talking to a pony tail_. Allen sighed as he watched his friend stalk away, hands shaking at his sides. He was the most infuriatingly, block headed, bitter, grumpy, and stubborn…

“Kanda Yu! You look at me right now!”

* * *

 

_That…did_ not _just happen._

Kanda froze mid-step his right foot out in front of him and fists clenched at his sides. He could feel his right eye twitching, as it usually did when he was irritated to the point of wanting to punch a hole in the wall. There was dead silence and all Kanda could hear was the blood rushing through his veins.

_Don’t turn around. Do not…_

“What…did you just…say?” He managed between grated breaths and a clenched jaw.

“I said, look at me.”

Allen’s voice was close. Very close.

_Crap he’s right behind me_.

Shaking his head Kanda put his right foot down and set off once again on his path to the door. He just had to get away. Get away and hide. What had gotten into him? He couldn’t believe he had just gone off like that, in front of _everyone_. In front of that stupid beansprout. The words just came out and he hadn’t even realized he was feeling half those things he mentioned.

It wasn’t like him _at all_. He’s never told people things like that, they don’t care. He’s never cared what they care about or not. He’s never cared if they cared. He’s not going to start now. Not after-

_White. Why is there white in my face?_

* * *

 

As Allen pulled back and looked up at Kanda he knew his cheeks were a little more than just a light pink, but he didn’t care.

He knew that the fist flying at his face was going to hurt, but again, he didn’t care.

Even when he found himself on the ground and Kanda was probably four floors above the mess hall, he didn’t care.

Kanda was definitely not thinking about that mission at the moment and the rest he could work on later.

 


	2. Between the Lines

This chapter's prompt is "New; Letter". 

I’ve been trying to work on an overall plot and I, somehow, managed to turn this into an AU twister. You can now assume that this story takes place after they move to Asia and General Cross gets killed or “killed” (whichever side of that debate you’re on). Like I mentioned before; around the time they found Timothy; so Allen’s got identity issues galore and Levierre is being his evil old self and his schemes.

This will stray far from cannon plot. I also might be adding in chapters between prompts if I need to carry plot along, but don’t have the means to with the next or current prompt on the list (I am trying to go in the original’s order). I am however going to avoid doing this for as long as I can if not the entire challenge because that sort of defeats the idea of a challenge. Again I am really winging this…

* * *

 

Allen hadn’t seen Kanda in three days. Not necessarily because he didn’t want to, but he knew it was wise to give his friend the space he wanted after what he had done in the mess hall.

_No regrets_.

After he had picked himself of off the floor that morning and looked around at everyone staring open-mouthed at him, he had been embarrassed, yes, but not in a bad way. He thought he would have been _more_ so. In fact, the only thing that he even remotely felt sad about was since he had made such a display in front of everyone. He knew he had to back off from being around Kanda for a little while… for Kanda’s sake, not his own. He knew he had more than just embarrassed Kanda; after all he had… _kissed_ him.

Not one-on-one or behind a closed door where it would be easy to do damage control, but in front of _everyone_.

In the end though, it was worth it— black eye and all. It was apparent that Kanda had to get everything off his chest and that he needed to focus on something else even for just a short while. He just wished he could check to see how the older teen was doing now. It was obvious that Kanda was more upset about _why_ he was feeling the way he was, than about what had happened on the mission. This was not the first time that lots of people died because of akuma or Innocence. That was something that happened. _A lot._ It was something that all exorcists had to deal with and come to terms with.

That was the one of the hardest things for Allen to struggle with and even after all this time, after training with his master and being a part of the order and working with the other exorcists, he still wasn’t _okay_ with it. He never would be; it wasn’t right that innocent people were being dragged into a war that no one knew about. A war that had no business involving those who couldn’t defend themselves. Not that any war was justifiable, but to be a casualty in a fight you didn’t even know was happening? That…was just wrong.

That was why Allen had decided to become an exorcist in the first place, decided to endure his master’s training and take the pains that came with his job. His special innocence aside, this was something he wanted to do. That was why, even if he didn’t like it, he knew he had to accept the way things were going to be.

People were going to die; he’d be damned if he didn’t try to save every last one he could but he was slowly learning he truly couldn’t save them all and it hurt, and it _sucked_.

For Kanda, though? Allen had been on missions with him and he knew that the older exorcist never focused on those kinds of feelings. Kanda knew that people died and he accepted that and never tried to fight against it. It was something that Allen, in a way, actually admired. It made Kanda a better fighter in battle, a quick thinker during hectic moments, and a more solid person after everything was said and done with. Allen knew he could never be like that; it just wasn’t in his blood, but it was good that _someone_ could be more reliable in those kinds of situations than he was.

That was often the very reason for their disagreements.

It took Allen a long time to realize that it was simply because they would come at the same problem but in very different ways. They looked at the world contrarily and took different mindsets on jobs. Both of them had their weaknesses and their strengths and those sets of abilities (or lack thereof) were polar opposites, which was why they argued over just about _everything_.

It was a law of the universe: if there was something that Allen and Kanda could argue over, they probably would.

But now Kanda was struggling with emotions he never had to deal with before, seeing things in himself that he didn’t know were there. Allen couldn’t imagine what that could be like (well, maybe he had _some_ idea but still, his situation was slightly different…kind of); he really hadn’t been an exorcist for very long while Kanda had been for practically his whole life. To be dealing with regret and doubt this far into his life after living that way for so long?

_And I thought **I** was having an identity crisis..._

* * *

 

_Finally, I can get out here._ Kanda thought as he snapped the latches closed on his worn case. He had been using the same decrepit suitcase for years now; the leather was faded and tearing off, the metal latches squeaked from rust and randomly popped open, but until the damn thing disintegrated right out of his hands he was going to keep using it.

It became something he felt empty without when he was on a job. If it wasn’t in his hand or hanging off the tip of Mugen as he walked down the road it just felt _weird_. Most of the time he never even bothered unpacking it at Central; living out of a suitcase had become the normal way of life for him. He’s never left it behind and he wasn’t about to for this mission either even though he, apparently, wasn’t going very far.

He had received word that General Tiedoll wanted him to travel to a small city in the central south (and slightly west-ish) area of China to help him on his current job. Words cannot descive the relief he felt when he got that news. Not only because it meant he could leave, but it meant that the general might have forgiven him.

There was definitely Innocence involved on the job; when it rained upwards there really couldn’t be any other explanation, but the fact that General Tiedoll had asked for help was almost troubling. The experiences exorcist was more than capable of handling anything on his own. Kanda had seen him countless times in the past fix every unfixable situation and solve every unsolvable problem that could possibly come up. If he was asking for help, then…

_Help? Or just an excuse to torture me?_

In any other case Kanda would have suspected the latter. It was no secret that General Tiedoll loved rubbing his apprentices the wrong way whenever he could just for giggles; whether it was with silly nicknames or unneeded tears in ridiculous situations, but this time Kanda knew better. General Tiedoll had used the word _help_ when he called. If he just wanted Kanda to join him for his own merry amusement (which had definitely happened more than once in the past) than he would have said something like “accompany me on” or “join along in” or anything _other_ than the “help me”.

Either way, Kanda was just glad to be leaving and he was glad that his last epic failure hadn’t completely crushed the general’s faith in him. He wouldn’t have blamed his teacher if it had; he had failed, plain and simple (and terribly). When you failed there were no excuses for it; it was your mistake and its on your head. There was no bouncing that mission off on someone else and even if there was Kanda wouldn’t do that. He knew when to admit he was wrong.

Maybe that beansprout was…

_Not thinking about him. Not thinking about him. Not thinking— damn it!_

It was futile, he knew. Ever since… _that…_ every time a doubt started to creep into his mind he’d just hear Allen’s words. It was so _stupid_. He’d never listened to Allen before; why should he now? The younger teen hadn’t been a part of the order as long as he had…he was naïve and newer and… probably dealing with his own issues after everything that happened.

Kanda knew he wasn’t the only one that had been changing since the arc incident and the level four attack on Central Headquarters, he just felt like he was the only one digressing instead of progressing. Even Lavi was slightly more mature than he had been before. _Slightly_.

These stupid emotions running through his mind were what he saw new exorcists deal with -Walker was a prime example of _that_ \- but here he was twenty years into his life, almost fifteen into his life as an exorcist, and he was feeling _guilty_. It was childish and Kanda hadn’t been a child in a very, _very_ long time.

Shaking his head, he picked up his case and opened his door only pausing briefly to turn and look at the empty room behind him before stepping into the hall to lock up. As the key slid into the small lock beneath his doorknob, Kanda wondered what exactly he was trying to protect. He never kept anything in his room aside from a low bowl with a single lotus flower lily and that would most likely be dead when he returned… like they always were. He’d have to get a new one from the river that ran underneath the branch.

Halfway through turning the key in the lock, Kanda froze, flipped it back around and put his suitcase down against the wall. He wasn’t sure why, but he didn’t want that flower to die. Not this time. His last lotus hadn’t died from neglect but from when the level four akuma attacked the explosions in the building had knocked it’s container off the table it sat on. Crossing his room in a couple of long strides, Kanda snatched the simple glass bowl off of the tiny table that was under an even tinier barred window and exited again just as quickly.

Now what?

_Hadn’t thought that far. I can’t ask_ anyone _to keep it._

He really couldn’t ask anyone, they would never let him live it down. He wasn’t supposed to be the sentimental kind. He _wasn’t_ the sentimental kind. He just… didn’t want to clean up the dead petals when he got back.

Or something.

Sighing Kanda picked up his case again and began down the hall, carefully cradling the bowl against his chest to keep the water from splashing out of the top. He could give the flower to Lenalee, she’d take care of it and wouldn’t make too big of a deal, but she was leaving tomorrow to go to the American branch.

Down the stairs from the living quarters he turned right into an empty hall.

The rabbit was going to be around for a while, but he would either forget about it or he’d fall asleep on it or put fish in the bowl. Not to mention he would _never_ stop antagonizing him…yeah, that just wasn’t going to happen. Ever.

A quick left and another short set of stairs.

Anyone in the science division would probably manage to mutate it into some kind of leaf monster.

Two rights, a left, and into an open door. That meant the only one left was…

“Kanda?”

_Oh, hell._

* * *

 

Allen cocked his head to the side and put the paper in his hands down onto the table he sat at just as Kanda strode into the reading room he was in. Suitcase, Mugen, new jacket…

“You’re leaving.”

“Obviously.”

Allen looked around the room he was in. Weird, he was the only one there aside from Tim Campy, who had decided the best place to land for the moment was in the middle of the note he was reading. So, if he was alone then was Kanda actually looking for him? Maybe he just took a wrong turn or needed something from one of the books in the room.

“Er…” _This is awkward._

He had never thought about what he would say when he actually saw Kanda again and Kanda was obviously just as uncomfortable. His eyes darted around the room, looking for anything to settle on that wasn’t Allen. So he wasn’t looking for a book and-

_Is that a flower?_

He hadn’t noticed the tightly-closed fat bud sticking up out of the glass bowl in Kanda’s hand that he held close to his body. Eyeing it he stood up from his seat slowly and put his hands behind his back as he walked over and bent over slightly to look at the flower. “Where did you get that? Did Lenalee give it to you?”

Allen tried to make the question sound as not awkward as possible. Kanda never seemed like the _flower_ kind of guy. It would make sense if someone gave it to him and Lenalee was probably the only person that would give Kanda a gift.

“No, it’s from the water.” Kanda rolled his eyes when Allen raised an eyebrow at him in question. “ _Outside._ It’s a lotus. They…they grow in the river that runs under the building.”

“It hasn’t bloomed yet?” Allen put an arm up to touch the top of the bud, but the bowl jerked out of his reach as Kanda took a step back. The water in the bowl splashed dangerously close to spilling out and he had to counter his balance quickly, dropping his suit case to cradle the bowl in both hands.

“They only bloom at night.” The older teen glared down Allen for making him almost spill the water.

Impressed, Allen nodded and smiled playfully up at his friend. “You know a lot about it; I didn’t think you were the kind to like flowers. That seems like a very General Tiedoll thing though. Has he rubbed off on you?”

“No. I don’t… like flowers.” Kanda bit out as if it hurt and looked away, his cheeks going a distinct pinkish hue. With short, quick strides he crossed the distance to the table and placed the bowl down next to Tim and turned back, still not entirely looking at Allen. “Just…lotuses.”

If he was being honest, Allen would have burst out laughing. It wasn’t that Kanda’s obvious discomfort was funny (even though it really was), but he had put the older exorcist in enough awkward situations recently. Besides Allen always liked to think he was honest to a fault, but right now his honesty would probably just get him another black eye. The one he received in the mess hall was only just starting clear up, after all. So he didn’t laugh, but instead bit his lips together until the urge passed.

_But this is such a perfect.._.

“So, do you need someone to look after it while you’re gone?” Allen pressed and allowed the mischievous smile to curl his lips upward.

Silence. Dark eyes stared up at the ceiling.

_Forget it. It’s all or nothing now._

“Or…is this a gift for me?” Allen grinned and returned to the table and bent down, putting a hand delicately around the back of the flower. It was soft and oddly silky. “No one’s ever given me a flower before. I didn’t think I made that much of an impact on you but if I did, I’m touched. It—“

Whap!

_Ow…_

Allen rubbed the back of his head and scowled as he sat down in his chair, a couple of stars dancing between his eyes. Tim shifted on the paper, a giant grin already spreading across his golden face. Jerk. “What’re you smirking at?” Allen glared at the little golem before looking up at Kanda. “You know, you’re going to give me a concussion one day if you keep aiming for my head.”

But Kanda wasn’t listening. His eyes had fallen to the paper on the table where Tim was sitting. Wide, brown orbs were slowly reading the few words that were scribbled down in sloppy hand writing across the page under Tim’s tiny feet.

* * *

 

_“I never asked you, but do you like Tim?”_

Those were the only words Kanda was able to make out through Tim Campy’s shadow before Allen laid his left hand on the paper to cover up the rest of the writing. His eyes were shadowed as he looked down at the table, all the laughter gone from his face.

_What the hell?_

Sure, Allen’s had his serious moments in the past (as well as whiny, angry, crazy, and downright weird moments), but this one-eighty was completely out of nowhere.

“It’s the last thing Master said to me,” Allen whispered.

Or maybe it was not so out of place.

Black fingernails curled, ripping paper as they slid around into a shaking fist. “Well, not to me, exactly. It was a recording I found in Tim. He asked me if I liked Tim or not and told me to take care of him. I wrote it down because it was weird… hearing his voice.”

Tim’s grin vanished as he slowly unfurled his wings and took to the air and settled onto Allen’s closed hand. He circled a couple times before plopping down solidly to stare up at his own master.

_Crap_. Kanda wasn’t good with this kind of situation. He never had the right words; hell, usually he just made things worse which was why he never tried to get himself involved in stuff like this. He didn’t know how to make someone feel better or encourage them and whenever he tried it, just felt uncomfortable.

Granted he rarely ever _tried_. Trying meant getting emotionally invested in someone or something and that always ended ugly. Always.

“It’s strange…” Allen suddenly continued, his voice still barely audible. “I’ve been assigned to go through all the paper work around here involving him. Messages, letters, news updates, mission reports, money requests…everything and I’m almost finished. I’m almost at the end and I can tell… he knew something was going to happen. I know he planned a lot of things; a lot of things that happened he pulled the strings on, but I think something went wrong.”

“Went wrong?” Kanda raised an eyebrow, he was honestly curious. If they could get any semblance of an explanation for what the Noah were up to…

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.”

_Damn_.

Reaching into his pocket with his free hand, Allen took out another piece of paper that was folded up and wrinkled. It had obviously been unfolded and refolded multiple times and he held it up in front of his face. “I have more questions than I started with, honestly. I wanted to talk to General Tiedoll about some things I found before he left because he obviously knew my master, but I never got the chance.”

Paper crinkled and Kanda found the little white square in his face between two fingers. He jerked back from Allen’s hand, his mouth falling to a frown. “So you want me to ask him for you? I don’t even know how long we’re going to be gone for.”

Allen shook his head. “Anything is better than me sitting here wishing I could ask. It’ll be better than me stalling.”

“Stall-?”

_Oh_. If he didn’t have any dignity Kanda probably would have hit himself. It made sense that Allen wouldn’t want to be told there weren’t any more answers after that’s all he had found out since Cross was killed. No answers and more questions. Why had Levierre assigned _him_ to be in charge of the investigation on all of Marian’s past tracks anyway? It was a little more than cruel, but in a way it did make sense, since Allen knew the wayward general better than anyone else. Except maybe Marshal Tiedoll who had been around the longest at this point.

Sighing Kanda took the paper from Allen’s extended arm. “Fine, but no promises.”

“No. No promises.” Allen’s voice was quiet, hollow almost. Nothing like it had been just a minute before.

For as annoying as he was Kanda preferred happy-go-lucky Allen to... this. This was just weird and a little creepy. Allen wasn’t supposed to be the dark brooding one. He was supposed to be the smiley overly optimistic one; the one that went through hell in the Arc and defeated a level four and still managed to smile afterwards. At least, that’s what everyone said.

But Allen had been through hell in the Arc after nearly dying and losing his Innocence and he had defeated a level four and he had smiled afterwards, but the truth of it all was that his master was dead, the Noah were after him, the order doubted his loyalty (and what a bunch of bullshit _that_ was) and after all that… it was impossible for Allen to be Allen anymore.

_He’s changed._

Whether for the better or worse Kanda couldn’t tell just yet. Maybe being a little more hardened against the world around him would do Allen some good… then again not having the old Allen around would more than likely not be good for a lot of people around. He was some kind of lifeline to the others and for as much as he hated to admit it; Kanda almost understood why.

Almost. Not entirely because that would mean understanding Allen and where he came from and that was just something Kanda could _not_ do. Even if he wanted to (which he really didn’t). It would be like fire trying to understand ice or visa versa. It just didn’t make sense; the way Allen handled things.

But here the idiot was acting in a manner that he was totally justified in, but no one would expect him to be in and if they did see him like this they’d just—

_Think he was acting weird. If I have to be the one that doesn’t care than Allen has to be the one that does. If I can’t smile than Allen can’t_ not _smile._

It was the same. In a way; different, but not.

Kanda reached out and placed a hand lightly on Allen’s shoulder who tensed in surprise at the contact. He obviously wasn’t expecting the gesture. How could he when Kanda was a little more surprised at himself? Since when did he show sympathy for anyone let alone Allen? But if Allen could be raw in this reading room than maybe Kanda could act a little strange himself.

It was better than trying to talk. At least a hand to the shoulder couldn’t sound insensitive.

Tim fluttered into the air as Allen drew his left hand up and placed it over Kanda’s, mechanical fingers grabbing tightly.

_Cold!_ Kanda had never touched Allen’s Innocence imbedded hand before; it was like ice. He could feel every movement the red hand made as if there were metal joints with gears and latches instead of muscle and ligaments.

He had to take a step forward as Allen pulled his hand down a little and held it against his cheek. Stuck between Allen’s freezing fingers and his warm face Kanda had to fight the urge to pull back. This was wrong and weird and everything he wasn’t good at and why did he even make the gesture in the first place?

Allen turned his head a little and let out a small, surprised ‘huh’.

“Your hand’s warm.”

Turning a little more he pressed his lips against Kanda’s fingers in a small, quick kiss before letting go and turning away again. “Thanks, Kan—”

“Just—” Kanda’s voice cut through Allen’s, sharp and terse as he turned and picked up his earlier discarded case and made his way to the door. Pausing, his eyes flicked to the table for a second to the lotus and Tim flapping in circles above it. “Just…don’t let it die.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for everyone that took the time to read this! Also to those of you who dropped the kudos. I am super happy that people are enjoying this. I really appreciate it =)
> 
> Till next time -Siri


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I am absolutely blown away at the acceptance of this story! Guys, seriously, thank you! I am so glad you are enjoying this =)
> 
> A quick note: I know the possibility of anyone who is reading this and actually lives in Changsha, China (because yes it is a real place that was really around at the end of the 19th century) is pretty much as minimal as possibility goes but I’d rather be safe than sorry. I am not bashing the city or trying to paint it in a terrible horrible miserable light (even though I kind of do), but I lived there for three years so I know what it’s like in the winter. It’s not very nice. I’m not trying to offend anyone; it’s a region of China that has really crappy weather and is pretty difficult to live in, that’s all. So my apologies if anyone gets up in arms. Honestly if anything props to the people centuries ago who decided to settle there and made a life out of it.

It took Kanda almost a week to travel across the rugged terrain of China until he was remotely close to the small city of Changsha. It required a lot of walking on roads that weren’t really roads, hitching rides on carts full of rice (or chickens; who even had that many chickens? Seriously?), and finally a two day ride up river in a boat that somehow managed to stay afloat even though as the owner paddled his wife was bailing the water out of the bottom of it the entire way.

It was thankfully an uneventful trip in terms of _akuma_ and Noah and the countless other things that _could_ have gone wrong, but it was also a trip that left him with too much time to think. Usually time to think wasn’t an issue for Kanda; he was a master at sitting silently and thinking about not thinking. Thinking only about the here and now and what was really important instead of the past or the future, the things he couldn’t touch or change. That was easy.

This time, however, his mind was wrapped around the intangible like a python around its dinner.

It wasn’t until he sat at the back of a cart full of squawking, feathered nuisances that it really started to get to him. This wasn’t like him, he didn’t care about these things. If you couldn’t point your sword at it and make a difference, there was no reason to give it a second thought. Still, his mind wandered to thoughts he never had before. The thoughts he always ignored.

Like what he’d say to General Tiedoll when he saw him after his utter failure on his last mission. He never apologized in the past, why should he start now? He felt bad, yes and it’s not like he’d never felt bad in the past about making mistakes. That was just part of being ‘human’ though, while technically that’s what he was (although he admitted he rarely felt that way), he just never allowed himself to dwell on it so much.

So he just needed to stop and that was always easy for him. So why wasn’t it now? Was it okay to think about this kind of crap? Was the beansprout right for once?

And he was back to thinking about _him_ again. Lately, that’s where all of his thought circles started and ended and rounded at. He never used to care about him or what he said. He was an idiot. A naïve idiot who really didn’t know anything about the world and paraded around lost in some bubble of optimism that was just going to get him killed at the end of everything.

No, he definitely did _not_ care about the beansprout. Or _anything_ about that annoying beansprout, for that matter.

But then he…

At first it didn’t bother Kanda how much Walker had been on his mind since… _that_. It was almost impossible not to think about it directly after, not with the way people whispered in halls as he walked by or how they would pretend not to be staring but totally be staring.

It was embarrassing and humiliating and he would probably never understand what drove the younger exorcist to do it in the first place. It was _disgusting_ and Walker obviously hadn’t thought about the consequences (because he never _thinks_ , he just does).

But when it got down to it, when he had had ample time to think about it, which was somewhere in between having an egg laid in his lap, keeping said egg to make an omelet out of, and chartering a row boat up the river, he realized what was really bothering him about the whole thing.

He wasn’t bothered with everyone staring. It wasn’t the talking in the halls, or that Lavi threatened to call everyone out in the field and tell them about it. He’d be damned if he cared what the other people thought.

He was bothered by the fact that he wasn’t really bothered by it when he should have been. So in the end while he was completely disturbed by everything and at the same time totally indifferent about it he actually couldn’t place _how_ he felt about it.

Disturbed? Angry? Confused? No, no, and no. He couldn’t tell, couldn’t make up his mind and that was what irked him so much. As if being indecisive on things he was always solid on previously wasn’t enough, he couldn’t even figure out how he wanted to react to something he knew how he _should_ react to. Which brought him back to that awkward moment in the reading room when he left the lotus with Allen; when he realized that both he and the beansprout were having the same issue.

They had every right to act and/or react in a certain way to recent events; Allen had every right to be upset and angry about Cross’ death and Kanda had every right to be angry or bothered at the failure of his last mission. But in the end, those reactions weren’t who they were or how they responded in the past, so it was weird suddenly trying to fight against those emotions.

Weird and confusing. Kanda was sure Allen was just as aware of when they started changing as he was.

_That stupid Arc. Those stupid Noah._

Although, when he thought about it, Kanda knew Allen had changed the minute he showed up in Edo before they were dragged into the Arc. He didn’t know many of the details about what happened in China. Tyki attacking Allen and then, well, he had heard the rumors just like everyone else. Allen Walker had lost his Innocence. The Order was going to round him up and…who knows what they would have done with him? Locked him up, made him work as a finder or in one of the research departments. They certainly wouldn’t have let him back out into the world- and that was before they found out about the 14th.

Before they found out about the 14th and more about the other crazy Noah out there, like those twins that Crowley had _somehow_ managed to defeat and Skinn.

Skinn. A fight he won and died in, but didn’t die in and hardly remembered.

It was making his head spin in circles and his own thoughts didn’t make sense anymore.

_And why does it have to make sense? It was just a stupid kiss_.

End of story.

He was just disappointed in himself, in his own doubts and weaknesses that played such a large part of his failure on his last mission. He’d forget about it and focus on the current mission and it was with that conclusion that he arrived in Changsha just a little after noon, a bit tired and stiff and pulling feathers out of his pockets even after he thought he got rid of them all but more focused than he had been in weeks.

Unfortunately that didn’t make finding General Tiedoll any easier amidst the farms and markets because the older man conveniently had his golem turned off. Perfect way to start this job. He couldn’t even find the person he was working with.

Kanda hoped that finding the only white skinned and light haired person in the entire province would be easy (not to mention one of the taller people in the city), but he should have known better. Everyone had seen the tall _wài_ _qiáo_ with the glasses and curly hair, but it was always an hour ago or yesterday or earlier that morning and never when Kanda needed it. The older man was just as skilled at evading people as he was at sticking out or making a scene.

When the sun dipped below the mountain looming over the city he began to wonder if he should start to look for the Innocence and hopefully he’d just run into Tiedoll at some point along the way. Either way, he needed to stop wasting his own time. Dinner, find a place to sleep, and get on with the mission in the morning sounded like a good way to start things.

After giving a noodle cart owner his egg to throw into a bowl of soup he slid into a seat set up on a street corner when someone slid into the seat opposite of his, bumping the table with his legs and causing a wave of hot water to splash over the side of Kanda’s bowl and onto his lap.

“Oh my, I’m sorry, Yu-Kun, these tables just aren’t made for someone my size.”

Deep breaths _._ _Ignore the fact he used that childish nickname. Ignore the fact that you wasted an entire day looking for him_.

“It’s fine.” Kanda managed to grit out between his teeth as he wiped the scalding liquid off his jacket with his hand. Taking up his chops sticks, he returned to his bowl and narrowed his eyes at the older exorcist. “Where the hell have you been all day?” Tiedoll raised an eyebrow and gave a disapproving frown which Kanda knew was for his choice of words. The older man hated it when he cursed. Looking back at his food Kanda continued. “I tried calling you, but you turned your golem off. Again.”

“Did I?” Tiedoll asked with that small lilt in his voice and his eyes sparked the way they always did when he was playing the fool but not actually being a fool.

Of course he did it on purpose. That was what the general did, just because he could. _Why me?_

“Yu-kun, I must apologize.”

Kanda froze mid-bite and looked up at his mentor, one pointy eyebrow raised to the sky. Seeing that the older man had discarded his playful smirk for a more serious frown he slowly put his chopsticks down sat up straight, listening. This was either very important or….

“I wasn’t there during a very significant event and for that I am truly sorry.”

“Huh?” Was he that obvious? How could he be? He hadn’t even seen the general that often since they were recovering from the arc.

“When Marie and I found you and I decided to train you, I knew I’d be raising you like my own.” Tiedoll took off his glasses and wiped his (not so) teary eyes and sniffed for that extra dramatic effect. “And I made a promise to be there during all those central times in your life and here I was…hundreds of miles away when you received your first kiss.”

_I will murder that rabbit._

Not pummel or knock out or slightly maim. Bookman Junior was a walking dead man.

* * *

 

The city was miserable.

Miserable, despondent, bleak, wretched, depressing, and sad. Some unholy cesspool of melancholy and rain.

Lots and lots of rain.

If it wasn’t raining upwards (thank you, Innocence) it was raining downwards and if it wasn’t raining at all then it was still _wet_. Kanda felt like he should be swimming through the air instead of walking through it. There was a mist that soaked through your clothes in a matter of minutes (and the science department claimed their jackets were waterproof; clearly they had never visited this city) and to make things even better, it was humid. Humid and _cold_. So it was hot but freezing and sticky but even your bones were chilled.

Then there was the wind. It wasn’t just a breeze that would pick up every now and then; it was a constant battle to walk against the air. A directionless assault that knocked at Kanda from every direction, blowing his wet hair into his face and constantly untying his hair band. It didn’t take very long for him to just leave his hair down- it was going to be impossible to deal with since the wind never seemed to take a break. An unmanned kite that was flying along the riverbank was proof enough of that. Tied to the roof of a small farm stand it hadn’t fallen once since he arrive and managed to stay afloat throughout the night.

In short: Changsha, China sucked.

It was a small city stuck between a growing river trade center and a farm town that was nestled in the base of a mountain that was more like a hill compared to the peaks around it. The people (who were about as sunny as the weather) claimed the mountain, _Yue Lushān,_ was blessed since it was the southern peak of the sacred mountain _Héng Shān_ in a town not far south of Changsha. Debate on what made a mountain instead of a hill aside that was, of course, where the General wanted to go first thing in the morning.

_Why didn’t he just go before I got here?_ Kanda asked himself even though he knew the answer. Because that just wouldn’t be any fun for his master. Nothing delighted the man more than making Kanda pout. So here he was trying to ignore a constant buzzing that was in the air and rattling his ears on top of being wet from the morning downpour (or up pour) and following his all too enthusiastic teacher up a steep muddy trail that he wasn’t quite sure was a real trail to begin with.

“Do you even know where you’re going?”

The older man kept climbing without missing a beat. “Well I think it’s safe to say as long as we are heading upwards we haven’t reached the top yet.”

Cue the annoyingly accurate and yet obtuse answer. At least Kanda was as wet as you could get so that part couldn’t get any worse. He’d somehow managed to keep from getting the bottom of his coat too muddy but if his boots were any indication, that wasn’t going to last much longer. So at nine in the morning the day could either plateau out at miserably annoying or make a steady climb to even shoddier.

At least he wasn’t in Russia without his coat. That had really, _really_ sucked. He also didn’t speak Russian and that had made the job even more difficult; at least here he could talk to people and actually work on finding the Innocence while Tiedoll inevitably plopped down somewhere to draw.

Speaking of Innocence. “Did you find anything out yet?”

“No.” Tiedoll put a hand in the air before Kanda could respond. “Nothing useful at least. There are various theories; displeased gods and spirits. A few seem to think their ancestors are angry because of all the political unrest. One sweet old lady explained to me it was because of foreigners like myself before she kicked me out of her shop.” A heavy sigh. “I really wanted to pick up some of her horse hair paint brushes too.”

Kanda rolled his eyes but refrained from commenting. At least people were making somewhat normal attempts in trying to explain why rain was falling up. It was easier working in countries like China where people still held onto spiritual beliefs because the people were more open to accepting the unexplainable. In countries like England and America where religion and faith was quickly being tossed aside for industry and money, people wanted concrete evidence and explanations. It made things for the exorcists a lot more difficult; how do you tell a scientist that demons and immortals were running around looking for a holy metal that may or may not be able to destroy the world?

Sure, that would go over well coming from a teenager who carried a sword and had inhuman skills.

With the way things were going, the job wasn’t going to get any easier either. The world powers were colonizing everywhere and western philosophies were starting to root down in some of the more remote areas of the world. Kanda could only hope this stupid war would be over or he’d be dead before their job became close to impossible.

Luckily for them rain defying gravity was one of the more harmless things he’d seen as a result of Innocence. The river might be a couple of feet lower than it should be, but the weather was so wet either way that crops weren’t going to die and people had plenty of water to drink and wash with. Things could definitely be a lot worse. That still didn’t mean he could take his time, because where innocence was (especially in such an obvious way) _akuma_ were close by and that meant people were going to start getting killed very soon, if they weren’t already.

Maybe the Innocence was the reason for that constant buzzing in the air. It was _really_ annoying.

“Ah, looks like we’ve made it.”

Kanda looked around as the muddy trail under his feet widened and started traveling straight instead of going up. The path was wide enough for a cart to be pull along and there were other footprints scattered around. At least they had found some semblance of a road. Nestled along the sides of the paths were small shrines and gardens indicating that there was probably a larger shrine or temple somewhere along the way.

They didn’t have to walk much further before the trees began to thin out and they came to an area that was cleared away entirely revealing a panoramic view of the city hugging the river below. Changsha was bigger than Kanda thought— a lot bigger. The city was split in two by the river he had traveled on, the Xiang. He had only been in the neighborhoods between the mountain the river; on the other side was more city and industry than he would have thought for such a rural place. He’d apparently only seen a third of the area.

That was a lot of land and a lot of people. He could see why General Tiedoll needed someone else on the job with him. This would take a single person forever to root through; even the General who always seemed to know what was going on eons before everyone else.

“Magnificent.” Tiedoll pushed his glasses up and grinned down at Kanda. “Isn’t it wonderful? You can see for miles on both sides of the peak.”

_Yay… and look, more rain is coming._

Off the other side of the mountain over a sprawl of farm fields as far as the eye could see were a series of dark rain clouds that had already begun to pour down and they were heading right for Changsha. Kanda watched the clouds for a little trying to ignore the ruffling of paper and scratching of charcoal as Tiedoll began sketching furiously. You’d think he’d be used to this by now, but no. And he probably never would be used to it because whenever the general decided to take time to enjoy the scenery things never went well for Kanda.

Never. They always ended, somehow, with him being angrier than he had started the day, or humiliated, or hurt or all of the above. Jan Novak’s mansion was proof enough of that; he could still feel that door on his face.

Resisting a shudder at the memory of that crack house (that the general had cried over…. _cried over_ ), Kanda wandered to the edge of the peak overlooking the city as rain began to fall. The wind slowly picked up and the river below began to ripple with white caps, small boats made for the shoreline to wait out the storm and the kite on the farm stand was still holding steady in the air.

The small buzz that had been irritating him all morning grew steadily louder and Kanda cuffed his hands over his ears for a second, but it didn’t help. “What the hell is—“

“Fascinating.” Kanda turned as Tiedoll mumbled to himself. Drawing pad put away, he had a hand extended, palm down.

With a start, Kanda realized the rain had reversed directions. Small drops were slowly peeling off the rocks and plant leaves and bobbing slowly upwards back towards the clouds. Kanda mimicked the general, put an arm out and caught a few drops in his palm before turning his hand over and watching the water float away. It had been falling downwards just a minute ago; why did it suddenly change?

“So the Innocence isn’t always active?”

Tiedoll looked up with a small frown and shook his head. “I think it can only affect a small area—”

“-And that area can change.” Kanda finished looking out over the city again. Ripples in the river indicated that the rain was still falling in the right direction over there. “So how and why does that happen?”

“That is what we need to figure out. It’s very possible that the Innocence has found a host and the person is not aware.”

That would explain the unpredictable patterns they were trying to track. Shaking his head (more to get that static out of his head than anything else), Kanda turned and started down the path they previously walked up on. “I’m going to start looking for—“

The buzzing from before increased in his head and Kanda threw his hands over his ears as the world suddenly unfocused. There was a flash of light as pain shot down his spine; the air in his lungs hitched and the world went black.

* * *

 

General Tiedoll shielded his eyes with one hand as a spark popped from Kanda’s right and a white light enveloped his apprentice. Without thinking, he reached out his other hand towards the boy as he rushed forward but he wasn’t fast enough. It was with a shout and a heavy smack that Kanda hit the muddy ground where he stayed, unmoving.

_What on Earth?_

The smell of burnt hair and skin wafted in the wind as Tiedoll fell to his knees next to Kanda with a small splash. A hand buried deep into his pocket and his fingers wrapped around Maker of Eden (just in case) and his free hand went to Kanda’s red, blistered neck. A small, sporadic thumping against his fingers told him that his apprentice would be fine. The boy’s heart was usually a little off beat when his body was healing itself. The burns would be gone in no time; although Kanda was probably going to be sore for a little while.

Tiedoll sat back on his heels and looked around the area. They hadn’t seen any other people, or animals for that matter during their climb, and he didn’t hear anything other than the rain and wind. The light hadn’t come from the sky and it was relatively quiet minus a sharp snapping noise, so it couldn’t have been lightning. It almost looked like the electricity had come _from_ Kanda himself. He’d heard of spontaneous combustion before, but spontaneous electrocution would be a new one, even for him.

Still, something in the air tasted wrong and despite his best efforts to think through all the possibilities, Tiedoll felt that tug in his gut that told him it was time to starting moving. He learned throughout his years to never, ever, ignore that tug. It might be the only reason he managed to survive this long as an exorcist. Usually life expectancy wasn’t very promising for them.

Tiedoll quickly removed Mugen from Kanda’s belt and clipped it to his own before patting down Kanda’s jacket. If the electricity _did_ come from Kanda then there had to be a source for the spark and if not, then there had to be something on the boy that attracted the bolt in the first place. Reaching into Kanda’s side pockets, Tiedoll didn’t find anything unusual: the thin wallet that Kanda usually had an I.D card in along with very little money, a small key ring with two keys on it (one for his room at the order and one for his suit case), a folded piece of paper, and his golem…. Which was moving?

Grabbing a hold of the little teardrop-shaped ball, Tiedoll felt the robot’s wings twitch between his fingers. It was hot; like it had been left to bake in the sun hot, but seeing as sun and warmth were both lacking in Changsha that meant there was something wrong with it.

_Something very wrong with it._ Tiedoll raised his eyebrows as he pulled the golem out and eased his grip on it. The folded up paper had fused to the bottom of the charred robot and it made a vain attempt to flap its cracked wings. It was only able to rise a couple inches above his hand before one of the wings snapped and it flipped over back into his palm. Tiedoll pulled the crispy paper off the seizing droid and frowned at all the wiring sticking out of its back.

Those couldn’t have popped out from an electrical shock. Someone or something had obviously cracked the little golem open and altered the insides.

He wasn’t much of an expert with wires and electronics but he had seen the science department work on enough of those things to know its insides were hinky. Whatever had been done to it wouldn’t have been fatal, especially for Kanda, but it would have been much more painful and possibly bloody if the intention was something a little more explosive than a large shock. And if they had been next to each other, Tiedoll was sure he would have been pulling little plastic shards from his own skin.

Tiedoll pulled at fried wires until they snapped out of their black casing and tossed them aside. A few tool chips aside the rest of the inside looked normal. Some water was condensing on the sides and—

_Oh._

Tiedoll almost laughed. _Almost_ because for as amusing as it might be that his apprentice was just electrocuted by his own golem, Kanda was still hurt and that was never funny.

Never. Because Kanda, like all the other exorcists, was always getting hurt and Tiedoll always felt helpless to stop it. Whether it was from an akuma, Noah, or just an accident, he knew he couldn’t predict and stop every broken bone but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt him when it happened. Hurt him in a way that a parent hurt when their kid fell down while learning to walk for the first time. They couldn’t always reach out and catch them in time and until those bruises went away, it hurt to look and remember.

Kanda was getting hurt a lot recently and Tiedoll couldn’t help that his heart was weighing down in his chest just thinking about it.

The general pocketed the little golem and piece of paper he tore off earlier with a small sigh and picked Kanda up with surprising ease. The boy felt lighter than the last time Tiedoll had to carry him (in Russia when he had watched the teen take a very painful fall down stone stairs and had the wind knocked out of him), and that was scary. Kanda was always thin but those were ribs under his fingers and they were much more prominent than usual.

Tiedoll kept an ear out on his surroundings as he made his way back down the trail. Why the lack of animals hadn’t been obvious to him before was troubling. When he arrived in Changsha earlier that week he was overly aware of the discolored air. He knew that akuma were already in the city even if he hadn’t seen any, which added even more tension to everything because that was very strange. He was a general; Innocence in town or not, akuma never hid when he was around.

Perhaps it was the weather wearing on him or maybe he was distracted with how un-Kanda-like his apprentice was acting recently; either way it was deafeningly obvious that there was something to this mountain, sacred or not. They would have to come back up here once Kanda was awake but for now the small guest house they were staying at sounded like a good place to dry off and think things through.

Now that he knew Kanda was doing okay after Russia, even if he seemed a little more than distracted, he could better focus on the mission. Because if he was honest with himself he was worried about the teen, very worried. Kanda was a total wreck in Russia, making mistakes he hadn’t made since he was twelve and worrying about things Tiedoll didn’t know Kanda _could_ worry about.

Kanda was acting more... human than he ever had and, dear God, he _hated_ himself for thinking of it like that, but the truth of the matter was that Yu had never been very humane when it came to other people or his own feelings.

Not that Tiedoll blamed the young exorcist one bit for that. Born into a job through torture only to be rejected and almost put to death… it made him sick just thinking about it. To think the Order…well, in the end it wasn’t very surprising when Marie told him the story about how he and Director Bak came across a tiny child crawling out of a drainage pipe with an arrow in his back.

That was probably the worst part. It _wasn’t_ surprising which was why Tiedoll never blamed Kanda for acting the way he did.

Once he was halfway down the street their homestay was on, Tiedoll stopped as a figure walked into the road in front of him and turned to face him.

Tall and impeccably dressed in a very, _very_ nice suit, the man glanced down at Kanda, his dark lips curling up. “Oh goodness, my dear General. It looks like you’ve run into a bit of trouble.”

* * *

 

Allen was exceedingly happy when Johnny told him General Tiedoll was on the phone for him and really confused by the time their conversation ended and he hung up.

Something was wrong. Really, really wrong and Allen didn’t know what to do about it.

He thought that the General was calling about the letter he had given Kanda but not only did Tiedoll sound completely clueless about said letter, he was also in a hurry.

General Tiedoll was _never_ in a hurry.

From what he could understand he did meet up with Kanda and they were, without a doubt, looking for Innocence and that was where it got weird. Tiedoll asked if he could go out and help in Changsha, but it wasn’t to help _him_.

“I was hoping you might be able to come out and help Kanda.” were the exact words. Help Kanda, like the General wasn’t going to be there or didn’t _need_ his help? Then why would he ask and why would he ask _like that_. Why would he ask him in the first place? The general knew that Allen was pretty much under lockdown at the Asian branch and that Link wouldn’t let him out of his site even if he did need to leave on a mission.

Besides the fact that Kanda never needed his help, ever. He was far more capable on a job alone then Allen was and he’d admit that any day of the week.

Then when a million questions were about to come flying out of Allen’s mouth the general had to go and he hopes he could get away as soon as possible and that was that.

And that was when a pit dropped in Allen’s stomach and hour later had only managed only settled further, but he couldn’t tell exactly what was wrong and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

He wouldn’t be able to leave without Link knowing because that man was sneakier than Bookman and Lavi when he needed to be. He couldn’t go to Komui without getting him in trouble (besides, his hands were tied tighter than Allen’s right now). The only other exorcist around right now was Miranda and… no. Miranda and breaking rules and sneaking probably wouldn’t end well.

But he had to do _something_. Tiedoll ask for him specifically and asked him to help—

_Kanda_.

Tiedoll never called Kanda… Kanda. He called him Yuu or Yuu-kun or made fun of him for being cranky, but never Kanda. Which was weird, because Lavi said that Tiedoll gave Kanda that surname…

Something was wrong with Kanda or something was wrong with Tiedoll and Kanda didn’t know. Or _couldn’t_ know. Either way, something was going on and the general knew he couldn’t go to Komui with it and now he was coming to Allen. Which was ridiculous because Allen was stuck all the same.

And everything was ludicrous because his friends were in trouble and he couldn’t do anything to help them!

Sometimes he felt like he had the power to help and other times he was pacing in his room wondering how the hell he was supposed to break out of his own ‘home’.

Allen stopped dead blinking at his door.

_Wow, Kanda’s right. I’m… kind of dumb sometimes._

* * *

 

There was the clinking of rain, but it wasn’t hitting his face. In fact, Kanda was pretty sure he was dry because he was _warm_ and that only happened when he was dry and that hadn’t happened since he arrived in Changsha and he was fairly sure he was still in Changsha because climbing up that mountain was too annoying to be a dream and—

_Ow._

He hurt. He hurt all over and it was one of those deep down aches that came from the very core.

Opening his eyes slowly Kanda tried to peer around without moving too much. He was back in the room at their tiny homestay wrapped up under a couple blankets, but he had been on the mountain and it was raining and there was that annoying buzzing and then... what? He honestly couldn’t remember. Were they attacked? Did he pass out for no reason?

Where was the General?

Ignoring the way his joints creaked, Kanda pushed himself up onto his elbows to get a better look of the small room. His jacket was hanging up on a small peg by the door and Mugen was laying on Tiedoll’s bed along with his hair tie, wallet, keys, and golem. Other than that nothing else was different; their bags were still in the corner and a small candle was lit on the bedside table.

Kanda pushed the covers off and swung his legs over the edge of the bed with a flinch. He felt the same way after he had fallen down those stairs in Russia or after his fight with Skinn when he had been electrocuted. He really hoped he hadn’t fallen down the mountain or something; it wasn’t like him to be foot clumsy. Not to mention the General would _never_ let him live it down.

Taking a few minutes to stretch out the tightness in his muscles, Kanda wondered how long he had been out for. The sun was still up but his hair and clothes were completely dry and he was really hungry. So he definitely missed lunch and since it always took hours for his hair to dry it was probably well into the afternoon.

Damn, that was pathetic.

He currently had two choices: stay in the room until General Tiedoll came back or go out and attempt to find him. The former wouldn’t be as frustrating but the latter would occupy his time and give him an opportunity to find out about the Innocence since, so far, he’s been completely useless.

Kanda let out a groan as his shoulder popped when he reached out a hand for the tie. The next couple of days were really, really going to suck. Gathering his hair on top of his head, he froze and wrinkled his nose. What smelled like burnt noodles? Kanda grabbed the ends of his hair between two fingers, looked at the frayed tips, and frowned.

_Why_ _do I smell like Lavi’s cooking?_ Overcooked and charred. But he wasn’t burnt unless he already healed while he was unconscious. Burns usually don’t hurt down to the bone, though. Kanda tied off his hair, clipped Mugen to his belt, threw his jacket on, and stuffed his things back into its pockets.

He had to get back to work, he’d wasted enough time. He’d been enough of a burden to his teacher. If he couldn’t do this job right then what could he do? He needed to stop messing up and being useless and start acting normal.

* * *

 

_I can’t believe I just did that. I am dead when they catch me_.

Allen hugged his jacket tighter around him as a gust of wind came down from behind him. Tim Canpy zipped into his side pocket to avoid getting blown away and buried himself as deep as he could. This city was dreary. Bleak, wet, and cold; maybe he should have done some research before he left, but that could have gotten him caught.

He managed to walk from his room and past the mess hall without anyone inquiring about what he was doing, but it was Reever who managed to flag him down before entering the Arc room with a question about Cross’ last recording on Tim and caught on to the fact that he was up to something.

Lucky for him that Reever knew when to ask questions and when to not. So when Tim flew off his head and into the departure room where the Arc was, Allen was able to ‘go catch him’ while Reever conveniently had an empty mug to refill with coffee.

The rest was simple enough: open Arc, race through before anyone could sound the alarm, open door to Changsha, and stumble out into the middle of a field of cabbages. After that it got complicated; he had to find Kanda and General Tiedoll and he had no clues about where to start. When he first arrive he’d sent Tim out to canvas the area while he tried to ask around. Unfortunately his Chinese wasn’t very good; usually if he went outside the branch he had Lenalee with him or Lavi. He could get around in a couple of countries, but he really should ask Lenalee to give him Mandarin lessons.

When Tim returned empty-handed, Allen began to get worried. It was always possible that they left if there was trouble but if Tiedoll called him and dropped clues over the phone like that, there had to be a clue about their situation. So here he was wandering around what he thought was the city center on nothing but the knot in his stomach and the pull in his mind that told him he was close to something.

He needed to stop and collect his thoughts if he was going to make any kind of head way. Food was always a good excuse and luckily food was everywhere in China (which was one of the reason he really liked the Asian branch).

“Come on Tim, let’s—“ Allen stopped as Tim zipped out of his pocket and rested on his shoulder. “Looks like someone’s on our side huh?”

Because across the square, sitting on the base of a statue of a golden girl playing violin, was Kanda. His back was turned, but who else in China had a red hair tie and a sword?

_Thank goodness._ At least he knew Kanda was okay. Raising a hand in the air, Allen was about to call out, but paused.

He had a better idea.

Quickly but silently, he crossed the street only to slow down a couple feet behind his friend. Tim took the air again flapping a couple feet behind him as Allen tiptoed up until he was just behind Kanda, leaned over and kissed the top of his head.

_Why does his hair smell like master’s cooking?_

Before Allen could pull back he felt a jerk in his chest and his vision blurred as a shock went through his spine. Stumbling back a step, he fell to the ground as Kanda pulled forward to tumble over onto his hands and knees.

Allen put a hand to his head trying to figure out if he could get the ringing in his ears to stop. He felt Tim land on his head as a shadow fell over him.

“What the hell, beansprout?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few translation notes and history fun facts!
> 
> Changsha: Is the capital of the Hunan Province and is a pretty large trade/economic center for the China. It's a "small city" by Chinese standards (today it has "only" 7.3 million people). It's famous for being near the birth place of Mao Zedong and it was the city that Mao studied in and was the starting point for his revolution and the country's conversion to communism. 
> 
> Yuelu Mountain (Yuelu Shan): Is on the west bank of Xiang River which splits through the center of Changsha and it really is a beautiful climb. It is also the front for a military base that may or may not have been there for a very long time. I honestly don't know, but now a days its sort of China's equivalent to NORAD- so its a super Air Force base. 
> 
> Héng Shān: "The Balancing Mountain" is one of the five sacred mountains in China and is about an hours drive south of Changsha. 
> 
> Wài Qiáo: The common name for a foreign person in China. It roughly translates to strange face or uncommon being.


	4. Our Distance and That Person

“Static?” _Really? That’s the best he could come up with?_ Admittedly, he hadn’t asked the most particular question, but _static_?

Kanda’s spine was still tingling and his muscles ached anew like he had just been hit by lightning (and it was only slightly disturbing that he knew what that felt like from firsthand experience). He looked down at Allen who sat in a small puddle with Tim Canpy resting on his knee, rubbing a spot on his chest over his heart like someone had punched him.

And debated on whether _he_ should punch him now or later.

He got kissed. _Again_. It wasn’t on his face or in front of everyone they knew, but this better not become a _thing_ because…well, just because. It was weird and awkward and everything not right. Because this was him and _Walker_ , him and an annoying beansprout who did nothing but infuriate him to his very core.

And that was that.

“I…I don’t know.” Allen stammered between quick breaths. He stopped rubbing his chest and looked down at his gloved left hand, bending his fingers one at a time. “That was… really strange.”

Yes, yes it was because the last time he had checked, neither Allen nor himself had an electric elemental affiliation with their innocence. Last time he checked, static was hard to come by on a rainy day. Last time he checked…. actually, the last time he checked Walker wasn’t in Changsha.

Which might be the slightly less important question, but…

“What the hell are you even doing here?”

Allen stilled his fingers and for a moment looked up at him genuinely surprised. Then he turned away as something else passed over his face that was distinctly _not_ surprised and something more akin to worry. “Um, General Tiedoll…”

_What?!_ Kanda lunged forward to grab Allen, but stopped just short of his collar. He was _not_ going to get electrocuted again. Not while his hair was probably still standing on end.

_Was… that what happened on the mountain?_ That would be weird, to get electrocuted twice in one day by two different things, neither of them stemming from the crappy weather. Because he had totally found his golem crispy and unwired in his pocket after he went looking for Tiedoll and that was a little more than embarrassing now that he put the two together. _So if it was my useless robot the first time, what was it…no, not significant right now!_ There were a ton of things that he could be doing that were far more important (and a whole lot less embarrassing to think about) than trying to figure out why he passed out on the mountain.

Like finding the General for one. Or the innocence. Both would be preferable, but unlikely if things kept treading down Shit Luck Creek. He’d been looking ever since he woke up in the hotel about three hours ago and there was no sign of the older exorcist. _Nothing_.

Pulling back, Kanda stood up straight and took a couple of deep breaths. If Walker knew something then it wouldn’t be a good idea to punch him just yet. He would have to wait until later (when there was less of a chance to add insult to injury). “What about the General?”

“And here I thought you were going to help me up.” Allen huffed as he pulled himself off the ground and brushed his hands on his jacket. “So why did we just electrocute each other?”

And if that wasn’t a cue for Kanda’s Something-Is-Extremely-Wrong sense…

“Don’t avoid my question, Beansprout. Wait, what’re you doing?” Kanda barely jumped back in time as Allen put a hand out and reached to grab him. “The _hell!_ Don’t touch me.”

Allen took a couple steps forward,, forcing Kanda to take a few more backwards. “Come on Kanda, I just want to see if it’ll happen again.”

“No.” Kanda instinctively put a hand on Mugen as Allen lunged and Tim Canpy took refuge in the air. “Would you cut-“ Step, step, jump. “Stop-“ A dodge to the right. “Seriously?! Just answer my-“

“Hold still!”

“Hell no!” He hurt enough right now. No way was he going to invite something else to happen to him.

As he danced back from another near miss, Kanda vaguely wondered if he should just turn heel and run away. He could outrun Walker in his sleep, but in the end the white haired kid never knew when to quit and so he wouldn’t quit and then all that running would waste the time and energy that Kanda’s gut was telling him he _didn’t have_.

The only reason Allen would stall like this was if he wasn’t sure about what was going on. If he was anything, he was reliable, and Kanda knew that Walker wouldn’t give him any speculations that he wasn’t absolutely sure of. Either that or he knew something that would piss Kanda off. That was also a distinct possibility.

_Or it’s both_. In which case Walker wasn’t helping his current situation by stalling. Well, he wasn’t helping with _anything_ at the moment.

_We’re wasting time! Damn it… please don’t let this hurt._

Mind made up, Kanda stopped short and Allen crashed, pelting headlong into him and knocking Kanda backwards to land flat on his back. He let out a sound of protest and pain when his back smacked the concrete of the town square and the air rushed from his lungs as Allen toppled on top of him.

Next time, he would remember the importance of warning. Or he would if not for the fact that this would never be happening again, ever, because…yeah, no.

“Huh,” Allen picked his head up and straightened, ignoring entirely the fact that he was practically straddling the other exorcist. “Guess it was more of a one-time thing.”

How could one person possibly be this infuriating?

“There. Happy? Now _get off_!” Kanda reached out to push Allen away, but was thwarted as a gloved hand caught his wrist.

_He’s smirking. Why is he-_ “Don’t you da-”

Kanda’s reflexes, for as good as they usually are, weren’t fast enough. Allen lunged forward, like a snake going after a mouse, their lips touched, and Kanda kicked up and rolled.

* * *

 

It was early. Way too early. Too early after going to bed too late. Too early to be walking the streets. Too early to have woken up with a gut feeling that something was just slightly out of place.

_Damn it, old man. Why didn’t you come back last night?_

Lavi tightened his scarf a little as a bitter breeze picked up from behind him, blowing his bangs into his face. When he awoke to see that Bookman hadn’t returned he hurried out and left his headband behind. Bad idea. He’d only been out for an hour, but his ears were stinging and his hair was getting more annoying by the second whipping in the wind blowing from the harbor (maybe he should consider a haircut). Sure it was winter and New York could get pretty chilly in the dead of January, but this was ridiculous; even the Hudson River had chunks of ice floating in it.

Why couldn’t their mission be somewhere warm like the Bahamas? Or Mexico; he could speak Spanish just fine.

Not that their reasons for being in New York weren’t interesting. Lavi was actually excited to take the job which pretty much never happened despite what everyone thought (or what he made everyone think). After all, who wouldn’t want to investigate at the brand new New York Public Library? The brand new archive that combined two of the greatest libraries together, years and years of history and literature all under one roof.

_A lot of people, probably._ If only they knew just how much of a bookworm he really was. He and Bookman were the obvious pick for the job; _Bookmen_ and all. He’d just put aside the fact that they were the only ones available. Everyone was out in the field except for Allen and he was under lockdown in China.

It was too bad that Kanda left to join up with General Tiedoll; at least Allen had had _someone_ around to occupy his time other than Link and everyone else asking questions about General Cross (Not to mention watching Allen annoy Kanda in the mess hall each day was one of the most amusing things Lavi had seen in a long, _long_ time). Someone who, which despite his prickly exterior, didn’t doubt Allen and his loyalties. Because that was what everyone else was doing, Lavi included.

And damn did that _suck_. He hated it, he hated it so much. Here was Allen Walker, the most loyal, honest, overly caring (if not a little naive) person he knew and here _he_ was, doubting everything about a person who just does _not_ lie. Someone who had saved his life (at this point more than a couple times) and someone Lavi should be calling a friend.

But Bookmen don’t have friends. They don’t have ties to the world. _Bookmen have no need for a heart_.

So Lavi sat back and watched “objectively“ as Allen was called a traitor or a threat by the people he’s fighting to keep alive. Except that Lavi can’t be impartial. He _can’t_. He’s tried, Heaven knows he’s tried and he’s failed. How? _How_ could he just step back from everything he and Allen had been through and seen and done? How can he build some kind of glass wall to watch through, but not to touch and talk and be everything that a human is supposed to be for those he cares about?

He’d admit he used to be good at it. It was so easy to stand back and not want to get close to anyone. Not after being taken in by Bookman, even for a while after joining the Black Order, and witnessing an inhuman cruelty that only humans could create.

People _disgusted_ him.

But then there were people like Lenalee and General Tiedoll, hell, even Kanda— even if he would _never_ admit to it _,_ who had witnessed the same brutality, _lived_ that brutality and still loved and cared and fought for life.

That was where things got complicated. In all the other wars, during his time spent as forty-eight other people before he became Lavi, he never found a reason to care. Why should he? Those people didn’t care about him. A particular scar that still hurt when the weather turned nasty told him as much. Then again, he didn’t really work with them. He only worked with Bookman and sat back and watched and recorded and that was that. Those people eventually moved on or died (the latter being much more common) and he moved on. Here? Being an exorcist was totally different and it confused him. Much more now than it had when he was younger, however that worked.

With the order he had other teachers and other people that he _had_ to work with. Because if he didn’t work with them he didn’t watch them. He couldn’t just tag along on a mission with a note pad; he had to do his share of the work or the people he was observing would drop like flies around a candle. So how was he supposed to work with people who saved his life and made him laugh and not care about them eventually? How could he keep his hands off a wound that was going to kill someone who just took a bullet for him? The longer he stayed at the order the harder it got and the more blurred the lines became between what he was supposed to be and what he _wanted_ to be.

And then Allen showed up and the sun over the maze Lavi was lost in went out and he was plunged into pitch black. He was left clawing his way to who knew where because his clear path north suddenly took a sharp turn onto a road he never thought he’d have to navigate.

Because how do you stand back and watch people call the guy who walked through fire, literally, to save your life a traitor? _Fire that I threw at him_.

Lavi stopped on a street corner and watched someone across the street dash up a small flight of stairs and fumble with their keys until their door clicked open and they darted into warmth and light.

Only crazy people were out at this hour. He was a crazy person. Bookman probably just got caught up in researching something and he would probably get a beating over the head for interrupting him when he found him, but still…

His stomach was in knots.

Picking up his pace, Lavi scurried across the street and up the block until he came to the large flight of stairs that lead up to the Public Library. It wasn’t open, of course it was barely 4 in the morning, but that wouldn’t stop Bookman. Or him. He couldn’t imagine any other place to find his teacher at the moment, so he took the stairs three at a time and pushed lightly on the double doors just to test them. Locked.

_Well, duh._

Lavi reached into his pocket and pulled out a small leather wallet and quickly grabbed a couple of Bookman’s needles he kept in it. Running his hand down the carved wood he found the lock and bent down to get to work, but paused as his fingers glided over a series of ridges in the wood. They were sharp and new and made with something very thin, but sharp.

A lot like the needles he was holding.

Squinting, he tried to make out the difference in the wood color, but it was too dark (damn his eye sometimes). Slowly he ran his fingers over the dips and grooves ignoring the one that caught his skin and left him with a splinter that would probably be a pain in the ass to get out later.

Long, short and low, long, long, short, long, four more short.

_Morse Code_?

Maybe he was just letting his paranoia get the best of him…

Or maybe something was wrong and Bookman knew he’d come looking at the library eventually. Sighing, Lavi leaned back on his heels and ran his fingers over the scratches one more time quickly raking through all the codes and code breakers he’d learned over the years.

And froze on the last four dots.

N-O-A-H

* * *

 

Allen flipped over Kanda’s head only to smack painfully onto his back. He knew it was coming, but it still knocked the air out of his lungs. He watched Tim circle above him for a couple seconds before the little golden golem dodged out of sight and cold metal came to rest on his neck just under his chin.

_Hello, Mugen._

Kanda twisted his blade until the sharp point was deep enough against Allen’s skin to draw a small line of blood. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve and whispered loudly. “Do that one more time, Beansprout, and I swear I will Mugen your face off.”

_Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh. Don’t laugh._ But oh man, were Kanda’s twitching eye and bright red cheeks really amusing.

“I thought that, maybe, it was because I kissed you that we created a spark.” A stifled snort. _Damn, so close!_ He was usually perfect at keeping a good poker face (thanks to all those card games he expertly cheated at with no thanks to his Master), but between his nerves and worry and need to keep life at least somewhat amusing he couldn’t help it at the moment. He might actually be losing his mind. “And since when did your Innocence’s name become a verb?”

Kanda turned with a disgusted click of his tongue, withdrawing Mugen and sliding it back into its sheath. “Answer my question.”

And that was Kanda’s ‘We’re done fooling around’ tone. Deeper and monotone with a coating of venom over every syllable.

“General Tiedoll called me a few hours ago. I thought he’d be with you.” Allen answered, distinctly avoiding eye contact as he picked himself up off the ground, again. He wouldn’t share all the details of the phone call yet. He had to make sure something was definitely wrong first before jumping to telling Kanda.

_‘Come out and help Kanda.’_ The general’s words sent another shiver down Allen’s spine. It was so weird hearing Tiedoll call Kanda by his surname. Weird and _wrong_.

For his part, Kanda looked totally confused. “I haven’t seen the General since this morning. I’ve been looking for him for hours.”

And a glance away told Allen there was more to that statement than Kanda was willing to come forth with right now. He’d press that matter, later. There was definitely something off about his friend, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it, unfortunately that wasn’t the most pressing thing at the moment.

“Did you try his golem…? Or uh he probably turned it off didn’t he?” Allen said quickly as Kanda’s eyes narrowed and ears flushed. The older exorcist didn’t respond but put a hand angrily into his pocket and shoved something into his face. “What the-“

Allen put his hands out and felt his eyes bug as Kanda dropped a very charred golem into his palms. The entire back was broken off and a couple sad looking wires poked out. Picking it up by its only remaining, crack wing, Allen held it up in front of his face and turned it around a couple times; it looked like someone had set fire to it or…

“Whoa, whoa, wait. Did this—“

Kanda shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest like he was trying to hold something against himself. “It’s not live anymore, obviously.”

“But it was?”

“Of course it was. _This morning_.”

Allen narrowed his eyes. _And he’s avoiding something again._ “So what happened to it? Did you get attacked?”

“No.” Kanda growled as he snatched the golem back and roughly shoved it back into his pocket. “That’s not important. The point is I can’t get a hold of the General and I’m tired of looking.”

Allen sighed. He didn’t know what to do next. Okay, he did, but he didn’t _want_ to. Which didn’t really matter because he did things he didn’t want to every day. That was part of being an exorcist. Part of being a host for Innocence.

Tim circled down through the air and landed lightly on top of Allen’s head, folding his wings in. Allen frowned as he stared up at his bangs, a habit he did every time Tim landed on him even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to see the little golden golem. There was nothing more to it. If General Tiedoll was in trouble he wouldn’t allow Kanda to go through what he just had. Losing his teacher.

“Kanda.” Allen locked eyes with the older exorcist and took a small breath. “General Tiedoll called me at the order and asked me to come help you.”

“He _what_?”

Maybe he should have worded that differently. “Not…not like that!” He put his hands up and waved them a little. “He...argh. It was a weird conversation. He asked me to come help you, but he used your last name. He called you Kanda.”

_Oh man…_ Allen took an involuntary step back as Kanda went completely still, a little color draining from his cheeks. He needed to explain it all quick before Mugen gave him a little more than a paper cut in a second round.

“I thought…no, I _knew_ something was wrong. He never calls you that and he sounded like he was in a hurry and hung up before I could ask any questions. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t go to Komui, you know I’m not supposed to leave the Order right now so I snuck out through the Arc and came to find you. I know you don’t need help or anything, but he asked and I was worried so I was there and now I’m here and—“ Kanda took a step towards him. “I’m going to shut up.”

Kanda didn’t yell or growl or hiss. He whispered his voice as steady as the rush of the nearby Xiang River. “Are you an _idiot_?”

“I...uh…yes?” Allen nodded. He really was, now that he’d heard himself explain it all. That wasn’t like him. That wasn’t like him at all. He broke every rule there was to break on a whim after a very strange conversation with a general he had never really worked with.

Allen Walker would have told someone, like Komui. Allen Walker would have trusted that Kanda could handle whatever it was by himself. Then. But this was now and Allen Walker was a different person after losing his innocence, and becoming the controller of the Arc and learning he was the host for a Noah and defeating a level four and losing his teacher and learning just how corrupt and awful the Black Order could be.

All the shit in the world had hit the fan and Allen was covered from head to toe and he didn’t care at this point. He had every right to not be the same as he was two years ago when he first joined the Order. He had every right to be doubting them and himself.

Right? How could anyone expect him to be the same Allen Walker? Sure he was seemingly unchangeable at the start of things too everyone, but they didn’t know what he had been through to become that “unchangeable” person.

They really had no clue.

Allen ran a hand through his hair, forgetting that Tim was nestled on top of his head. The golem took to the air and if that wasn’t an indignant huff then Kanda wasn’t staring at him like he was a fish walking on land.

“Kanda—“

“Shut up.” Kanda turned his back, his long wet pony tail catching him in the face as a sudden gust of wind slammed into them. He reached up and grabbed Tim Canpy out the air as he swept past while caught up in the wind and walked off. “Let’s go.”

_Huh?_

Allen slowly followed his friend down the road. That was the last thing he expected Kanda to say. “Go home” or “I don’t need _your_ help” or “you are the biggest dolt in the world” would have been the norm.

Normal? Who was he to expect the normal at this point? If he had every right to be acting out of character so did Kanda. After all, that was why he started the whole kissing thing in the first place. So he’d take things a step at a time and try to work with the weirdness that was in both himself and Kanda.

One step at a time as soon as Kanda started walking again, because the other exorcist had suddenly stopped in the middle of the dirt road causing Allen to almost walk nose first into his back. “Kanda?”

Allen stepped out to see what had made his friend freeze and quickly his eyes found the tall, darker skinned man standing dressed in white a few meters away.

Tyki Mikk grinned and put a hand up in a still wave. “Allen Walker. It’s _so_ good to see you again.”

The air left Allen’s lungs and the world tilted as white clouded his vision and something akin to the electric shock he had received earlier shot down his spine.

_No. No no no no._

* * *

 

Tyki couldn’t hold in a low chuckle. He had met a lot of humans in his life and he had met a lot of exorcists in his life and none of them, _none_ of them, were quite like Allen Walker.

_None of them have such great reactions_.

That’s why Allen was so much _fun_. His persistence, his determination, his anger, his _fear_ was palpable. There was nothing quite like watching the color drain from Walker’s face until it nearly matched his bleached white hair. And all he had to do was say hello! The kid was suddenly all trembles and no words.

To be able to cause such a reaction by simply being present, to cause such chaos, it was… ecstasy.

The other kid, though… the samurai-looking one. He always seemed like the kind that wouldn’t show much of a reaction to anything, but even he was a little more wide eyed than usual. That was interesting. _Very_ interesting.

Tyki turned to the older exorcist. Kanda, was it? His memory of that battle in the Arc was barely a blur between dark spots of nothing. He cocked his head to the side and studied the youth for a moment before letting out a bored sigh. So hard to read aside from obvious anger. “He’s fine, by the way. Your master.”

Kanda barely reacted. He glanced sideways at Allen, noting the way the young exorcist’s breathing was coming so fast it was near a panic attack. “Where?” he ground out in a low growl. “Where is the General?”

_General?_ _Looks like this kid’s got more problems than I thought_. Not even calling his teacher by his own name and all that.

“He’s fine, like I promised him he would be.” Tyki shifted his weight to one leg and crossed his arms. “I just needed a way to get Walker out here so I struck a deal.”

Red flushed across Kanda’s cheeks and dark eyes narrowed. Tyki smiled as he noticed the samurai’s now shaking fists. The boy took a step forward and threw an arm out to the side. “He would _never_ make a deal with you.”

_Oh, there it is._ The anger, the rage, the instinct of natural reaction that humans had no way of controlling.

“He would and he has.” Tyki hummed with pretend boredom. This was going to be far from boring, but he better milk this moment for all its worth. “Safety for your unconscious ass for a chance to allow me a minute to speak with little Allen there.”

Kanda once again glanced to the side at Allen who hadn’t moved or made a noise yet. Tyki turned impatient eyes to him as well. “I really don’t have all that long so how about we skip the pleasantries?”

The wind died, as if waiting to hear what was going to be said next and Tyki shifted his feet apart a little. _Here it comes_.

Kanda reached out but missed as white surged forward with a ragged scream that sounded like it hurt. Tyki skipped back a couple steps as sword-like nails whizzed past his throat and smirked.

_Excellent._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am still completely blown away at the reception for this. Thank you all so much! 
> 
> A couple more fun notes and history fun facts!
> 
> The Morse Code that Lavi found on the door would look like this   
> -.   
> \---   
> .-   
> ....
> 
>  
> 
> A little note about the Library that may or may not become pertinent when I delve more into Lavi’s section of the story. The New York Library was technically established well before the actual building was built. It used to be two separate buildings and archives. The Astor and Lenox archives were brought together when both libraries were suffering from severe financial difficulties at the end of the 19th Century (somewhere around 1893 I think).


	5. Hey, you know...

Tyki was dead; Allen had killed him. If there was anything he remembered from the Arc it was killing Tyki somewhere between fighting Lavi and Cross showing up. It was just before his world dissolved into a billion complicated pieces. Tyki died and so had Road and those twins and whatever Noah Kanda ended up fighting. Skinn? They all had really weird names and it didn’t matter because all of them had died. Tyki died. 

_ He’s dead. He. Is. Dead. _

In reality everyone who went into the Arc died. Everyone, but himself and Lenalee. He never mentioned it to anyone, but he knew about Kanda and Lavi and Chaoji and Crowley. He felt them die because he felt everything that happened in the Arc. He knew every move that everyone made. He heard every word they said. He felt everything they felt. Not so much in an explicit they got punched in the face and he felt it, but he still knew if they got punched in the face. Either way he knew everything that happened.

_ Everything _ .

He’d felt those Noah die and his friends along with them, but when he’d sewn the Arc back together; played music and reversed time (and that was still messing him up at night) his friends returned. Their souls lit up like little candles scattered around the Arc; tiny, but warm and bright and  _ alive _ . 

The Noah? No. They didn’t come back. He didn’t  _ feel _ them come back and it wasn’t because he wasn’t looking or was too focused on other things. As soon as he’d figured out just how deep his connection to the Arc was he focused on them. He wanted to know if they came back. He wanted to know if they’re were going to come for them again. Try to take his comrades away from him again. He would have been the first to know and he would have been the first to take action.  

So how was Tyki here now? 

“ _ How _ ?!” Allen heard the word and it sort of sounded like it came out in his own voice, but it also sounded strangled and ragged; something like an injured animal fighting to take its last breath in peace. Maybe it wasn’t a word at all. Maybe he was just screaming.

It didn’t matter. He couldn’t stop. He didn’t know why and for some reason as white blinded the edges of his vision Allen lost the will to care that he couldn’t stop. For a moment he could feel fear; this wasn’t like him, This wasn’t like him at all. He wasn’t someone easily triggered. He wasn’t someone who just swung off the handle. Not unless someone he cared about was in trouble. That’s who he was. 

_ That’s why everyone around you keeps dying _ . 

_ What? _ Allen froze mid swing as Tyki moved just barely to avoid being sliced by his innocence. Which he didn’t remember activating. Which was tugging on his arms and legs and chest and his  _ everything _ to keeping going. To keep fighting; keep swinging downwards and then up again until his claws were ripping Tyki apart.

This wasn’t like him at all. This wasn’t  _ him. _

Allen pulled his arm back, slowly. His hand shook and his arm wobbled against the tugging and pulling and pushing in his core that was fighting his every muscle. It was like a wall was pushing him from behind or like someone had tied strings to him and were tearing at him from every angle. 

_ Stop! _

The tension disappeared and Allen swung his arm away from Tyki. The unexpected drop in resistance caused him to stumbled backwards a couple steps only to find his knees were to weak to hold him. He fell to the ground; splaying out onto his back and stayed there, shaking. 

_ Aw, you’re no fun. _

* * *

 

Kanda watched as Allen lurched forward, his innocence wrapping around him faster than he’d ever seen before. Watched as Allen moved faster than he’d ever seen him move before and make a noise he’d never heard Allen make before. Sure, he’d heard Walker scream in the past. He’d heard him scream and cry and laugh and sing and make all sorts of noises he wasn’t sure the bean sprout was capable of making, but even this was a whole new level of ‘did that just come from his mouth?’ 

It was inhuman. Some sort of howl that was stuck between a legitimate screech of anger and a sob of despair. Both reactions would be appropriate given what happened the last time either of them had seen Tyki, but there was something else underneath it all. Something in Allen that made it seem like seeing the Noah again had just shattered Walker’s entire world. 

Which couldn’t be very far off from the truth. They thought that Tyki at least was dealt with. That him and Skinn and those other three weren’t a threat. They were at least a few things off a very long list of enemies that they could check off as taken care of. Now? Well, if Tyki was alive then what about the others? 

Kanda grit his teeth. If he had to fight that mind numbingly dumb Noah again he might want to scream like Allen just had out of pure frustration. Tyki was annoying sure, but at least he could carry out full sentenced conversation and wasn’t obsessed with candy. 

Tyki, on the other hand, seemed to be enjoying their little reunion. He barely needed to dodge as Allen made a dash for his face and then froze mid step, mid-swing, practically in mid air and then white crumpled to the ground. 

Kanda had Mugen out and pointed at Tyki as soon as Walker hit the ground, but the Noah paid no mind to the sound of unsheathing metal. He chuckled at Allen with a grin so wide that it looked like it might hurt. “So he  _ is _ in there and he wants out.”

Allen didn’t respond or move or do much more than shake a little and Kanda finally let his feet  _ move _ . He pushed himself between Allen and Tyki with a swipe of his sword and kept Mugen up, ready. “The General. Where is he?” 

Tyki sighed, already bored with the conversation. “I told you he was fine.”

Kanda shifted his feet. “Why the hell would I ever believe you.”

“Because I didn’t kill Walker twenty seconds ago like I could have? I told you, I just wanted to have a small chat. You don’t need to be so  _ twitchy _ .” Tyki cocked his head to the side, looking Kanda over once. “You seem… different.”

“Forget this.” Kanda raised himself onto his toes and launched himself forward. Tyki jumped back somewhere stuck between laughing in amusement and frustration. “Where  _ is he?! _ ” 

He wasn’t going to indulge this lunatic with any sort of ‘chat’. Tyki was lying, plain and simple. General Tiedoll, for as naive and  _ silly _ he played at being, would never, in a million years,  _ ever _ make a deal with a Noah. Not to ensure anyone’s safety, not even Kanda’s. Not to draw Walker out in what was so obviously a trap. He hadn’t survived for as long as he did within the order by being a mediator of words.  

Because Kanda had seen just how deadly his teacher could be and Tiedoll didn’t mess around when it came down to the fine lines. No one in the order did. 

So he was done ‘chatting’. He was going to figure out what the hell was going on with General Tiedoll and then he was going to figure out why Walker was still laying on the ground twitching like bird that flew head first into a glass window and looking like he was somewhere between a panic attack and being too  _ scared _ to move. 

“Oh come off your high horse, kid.” Tyki slid to the left as Kanda came down from above. “I’m not making this up or anything. I rarely actually ever lie, it leaves a funny taste in my mouth.” 

“Where?” Kanda repeated the question and he crouched low and jumped, using his momentum to bring Mugen up dangerously close to Tyki’s chest.

“Safe.” Tyki repeated the answer mid back bend. “I’m not at liberty to tell you more than that, though.” Kicking out Tyki’s knee caught Kanda in the side as he came back down and with a small shout of surprise he went flying down the street. 

_ Crap! _ Kanda barely had the chance to twist himself mid air to soften his fall. He hit the muddy ground with a wet ‘splash’ and tumbled a few feet before bouncing back up to his feet, but the street was now empty of Noah. Only a small golden golem flew in circles over a shaky Allen finally pushing himself up off the ground were left. 

Kanda grit his teeth. “Damn it!” 

* * *

 

_ Breathe _ . And Allen did. In and out. Long, deep, shaky breaths because he it was all he could manage. If he tried to move again he might actually  _ move _ . Move and not be in control because whatever the hell just happened wasn’t  _ him _ . He didn’t fly through the air like that. He didn’t activate his innocence. He didn’t go immediately for blood.

Someone did, but it wasn’t him, but it was his body and his innocence and his hands. 

_ You’re no fun. _ No, no that wasn’t him. It wasn’t...but there was no one else it could be.  _ Why is this happening? _

Is this why he’d been confined to headquarters? Did everyone see something he didn’t? Had he been acting so out of character lately and not even notice it? He hadn’t tried to use his Innocence since the level four attack- had someone seen something during the battle? 

Why was everything suddenly a question?

Timcanpy circled above him and Allen tried his best to focus on the little gold wings. The little golem seemed hesitant to come down from the air and Allen suddenly wondered if it was because of Tyki or because of himself. Because if Allen was to scared of his own actions to even move at the moment it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if Tim had been a little more than startled as well. 

Allen could hear Kanda just ahead of him obviously very much over having his question ignored by the Noah, but the clash didn’t last long and after a small shout Allen heard the distinct thud of a body hitting the ground. 

_ No! _ Pushing himself up onto his elbows Allen suddenly found himself nose to nose with Tyki's grin. 

“Hey, you know what, Walker.” The Noah whispered. “I never got the chance to thank you.”

Allen bit his jaw together as the tugging sensation began to creep up his arm again.

Tyki stood up straight and bowed deeply, hands out to the side. A clear mockery of actual gratitude. “So thank you, Allen Walker, for reminding me just where we all stand in this petty thing we call a  _ war _ .”

And then he was gone and he was left alone to stand up on shaky legs with Timcanpy still hovering in the air and a very mud covered Kanda cursing from down the street. 

“What the  _ hell _ was that Walker?!” Kanda yelled out right, still standing in the middle of the puddle he managed to roll in. Using the inside of his jacket he quickly wiped Mugen off and put the sword back in his sheath. “What the hell is  _ wrong _ with you!”

“I…” Allen looked down at his hands. They were trembling so violently that even when he clenched his fingers together in a fist the quakes just traveled up his arms and down the rest of his frame. He couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t explain it. “I don’t know.” 

The tremble was reminiscent of when he got angry, but also mixed somewhere with the anxiety of being scared or even excited. He couldn’t pinpoint what he felt. He didn’t even know if  _ he _ was the one feeling it. 

“I don’t know…” He repeated as he put his head in his hands. His mechanical hand was like ice against his hot face and he look up as he heard Kanda’s heavy footsteps splashing closer in the mud. “I don’t-”

“Walker.” Voice quieter Kanda couldn’t have been a foot away.

Allen looked up slowly, dropping his hands to his sides limply. “I don’t- I can’t- That wasn’t-”  _ Me _ . 

And was it just him or did Kanda actually look sort of, a little bit...concerned? Allen blinked a couple times as dark eyes just stared down at him. “I… I’m sorry.”

“Forget it.” Kanda clicked his tongue and turned to take a step away, but Allen reached out to catch jacket only to somehow managing to grab a handful of wet tangled ponytail instead and pulled accidently as Kanda tried to move away. “What the- Walker!” 

Kanda spun around, but Allen didn’t let go and soon he was face to face with twitching eyes and red cheeks again, and for whatever reason he found it in him to pull just a little harder forcing Kanda’s head down just enough for him to plant a small kiss on Kanda’s forehead. 

Then he tossed hair aside, turned on his heels, and took off down the road, grabbing Timcanpy out of the air as a flurry of curses followed him through muddy streets. If he could still do that then he was still in control.

If he could still, somehow, defy everything his body (and sanity) was telling him to do (or not do) than maybe whatever just happened was some sort of fluke. A shock reaction to having a figurative rug pulled out from underneath his feet. Tyki was back, Tiedoll was missing, he’d run away from the order, and his innocence was scaring him, but he could still manage to piss Kanda off.

So any kind of usual occurrence was going to be the only thing keeping him from an absolute panicked break down then he was going to take it. And the irony of how he’d started the whole kissing thing to help Kanda turning into some sort of reassurance for himself was not lost on him. 

Yeah once Kanda caught up to him he’d regret it, but hey- it’d been less than half a day since he’d arrived in China and he’d managed to somehow get three kisses in. Three moments of normalcy.

Even though a week ago that wouldn’t have been considered normal at all. Even though a month ago everything was opposite of their current normal.

Even though nothing would ever be normal again and that was the last thing Allen wanted to face right now. So he ran. From Kanda. And questions. And fears.

But mostly from Kanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No guys, you don't understand. I haven't worked on this story in almost two years. I had those first three four chapters written and then nothing and you all kicked me back into it. I know this chapter might not be as snappy as the first few, but I'm slowly getting back into the swing of things and THANK YOU. 
> 
> Your feedback has been amazing and inspiring and you all have put a smile on my face =)
> 
> No fun facts this time- but next time you'll get a lot! Also a slightly longer chapter. Thanks again everyone! Till next time -Siri


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